HOW TO TAME THE THINKING HABITS THAT CAUSE STRESS

On our journey to be productive and meet our goals, it’s not a novel fact that stress finds a way to sneak into our lives. But did you know that our thinking habits play a role in intensifying its impact?

Imagine being stuck in a traffic jam when you have an important meeting in just 15 minutes. This situation is likely to cause stress which can be further amplified by the spiral of negative thoughts you engage in.

This article delves into the thinking habits that unknowingly act as fuel for stress and suggests ways to alleviate stress and approach the situation with a calmer mindset.  

I have been an anxious mess in the past and still go through pangs of anxiety and stress at times. The only difference now is that I can handle my thoughts well.

A couple of things have helped me cope with it but first, I’d like to list down all the stress-inducing thought patterns before going into detail.

–You perceive situations as either perfect or a complete failure

–You imagine the worst-case scenarios and believe it

–You assume you know what someone else is thinking

-You use ‘should’, ‘could’, ‘can’t’, and ‘never’ in your vocabulary

-You are dissatisfied with your life in comparison to others

Often, we’re unaware of what we’re thinking, and one thought spirals into numerous other thoughts. And it’s true that our thoughts directly impact our emotions.

Therefore, this guide is all about knowing the different ways we overthink and how to reframe those negative thoughts that overwhelm us.

You perceive situations as either perfect or a complete failure: All-or-nothing thinking.

When you perceive situations as black or white, you tend to assign people, situations and actions, and self into either of the two categories; ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘now’ or ‘never’, ‘all’ or ‘nothing’.

It’s common, right? To view the world through a lens of extremes, with no place for a middle ground.

But unknowingly, this thinking habit convinces us that the only outcomes are success or failure, robbing us of the opportunity to acknowledge our progress.

Let’s say you have been following a new fitness routine for a few weeks, and you miss a workout session due to a busy day at work. Instead of acknowledging it as a one-time occurrence and resuming your routine the next day, you fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking. You start believing that because you missed one workout, your entire fitness journey is ruined, and there’s no point in continuing. As a result, you abandon your healthy habits altogether, feeling discouraged and demotivated.

How to deal with it?

-Pay attention to your thoughts and recognize any kind of extreme statements you’re making

-You can break down your goals into smaller, attainable steps. Recognize that progress is not always linear, and setbacks or minor deviations do not equate to failure.

-Remember that everyone has ups and downs, it’s okay to be imperfect.

-Celebrate your small wins.

You think about the worst-case scenarios and believe it: Catastrophizing

Imagining worst-case scenarios is like playing a movie of our fears on the big screen of our minds. When we catastrophize, we let our thoughts spiral down a path of exaggerated fears and worst-case scenarios. We become trapped in a loop of “what ifs” that amplifies our anxiety and fuels our stress.

It’s such a common thinking habit that we allow it to stir our emotions quickly, even though it’s not the reality.

I’ve often stressed myself out by over-exaggerating my imaginary fears; even if it was a minor headache, I would look at all the possible causes and assume it to be due to a severe medical condition.

But catastrophizing rarely reflects reality.

So, how to deal with it?

-First, is to notice when this happens.

-When you catch yourself catastrophizing, pause. Take a deep breath and ground yourself in the present.

-Let’s challenge our thoughts and seek a balanced view. Allow yourself to acknowledge the fear but then question its validity

The Mind Reading Habit: You assume you know what someone else is thinking.

Assuming we know what others think without concrete evidence is a habit that can contribute to stress and interpersonal conflicts.

This thinking habit of mind reading often leads to misunderstandings and unnecessary worries about how others perceive us.

Our imaginations can craft elaborate stories that might not align with reality, triggering anxiety and self-doubt.

As PhD student presenting a research paper at a conference, you face challenging questions. But when mind reading kicks in, self-doubt and stress creep in due to assumptions about negative judgments about the work.

In reality, our interpretations may be far from the truth.

What can we do about it?

-It’s important to remind yourself that you cannot honestly know what someone else is thinking unless they explicitly communicate it.

– Avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on limited information.

-You can communicate openly, honestly with others to clarify misunderstandings.

You often use ‘should’, ‘could’, and ‘never’ to your vocabulary

The use of words like “should,” “could,” and “never” can potentially contribute to stress, depending on how they are used and the context in which they are applied. These words often carry a sense of expectation, pressure, or rigidity, which can create internal stress and self-imposed limitations.

Also known as shoulding, this tendency creates a set of unrealistic expectations from ourselves and others, constantly putting us in a state of feeling inadequate and guilty.

I constantly told myself that I should wake up at 5 a.m. every morning, and when I didn’t, I felt guilty and unproductive and felt like the whole day was ruined.

I’ve given up on trying to force myself to wake up at 5 a.m. Instead, I follow a balanced routine by applying the time-blocking technique.

Similarly, constantly telling yourself that you should have achieved certain milestones by a specific age can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

What can you do instead?

-Practicing self-awareness and mindful language can help mitigate the potential stress caused by these words.

-Instead of saying “I should have done better,” you can reframe it as “I can learn from this experience and do better next time.” By shifting the narrative, we create space for growth and self-acceptance.

You are dissatisfied with your life in comparison to others

In this age of information and constant connectivity, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap.

You feel satisfied with everything about your life until you see someone else’s life on social media. You see them excessively happy, going on vacations, just landing a new job, or leaving a high-paying job to follow their passion.

Measuring our worth and success is a common thinking habit based on someone else’s achievements, appearances, or lifestyles.

While some level of comparison is natural and can serve as a source of inspiration or motivation, it becomes problematic when it leads to negative self-judgment, self-criticism, and a sense of unworthiness.

This thinking habit can create a cycle of constant striving and dissatisfaction. We may need to measure up to an idealized version of someone else’s life or achievements.

What can we do about it?

-Recognize that everyone has a unique journey and strengths, and comparing ourselves to others is not productive or fair.

Instead of seeking validation or reassurance from external comparisons, we can shift our focus inward. We can embrace gratitude for our own journey, celebrate our accomplishments, and nurture a sense of self-compassion.

-Let go of the illusion of a single standard of success or happiness. We can cultivate a mindset of self-acceptance and set meaningful goals that align with our values.

You may agree that being stuck in these thinking habits is not a good feeling. The constant spiraling of wild thoughts can affect our mental health.

By becoming aware of these harmful patterns, we can take steps to break from these thinking habits.

It’s okay to wander away in thoughts, but it’s essential to return to the present moment and affirm, “This is not true.”

Developing new thinking habits takes time and practice, so be patient with yourself.

I hope this was helpful to you.

You can also read:

• Quick Stress Busters to Deal with Stress
• How to Handle Unproductive Days
• Reminders for Handling Life’s Challenges