At some point or another, we’ve all dealt with feeling behind in life while everyone else seems to have their life together. It’s easy to fall into a comparison trap and feel behind when friends and acquaintances achieve milestones left and right.
Sometimes, it’s not the bigger things like a job, promotion, or marriage that can make one feel overwhelmed, but the little things like not having a perfect pair of sunglasses, not waking up early enough, or not looking a certain way can stir our insecurities. That feeling of incompetence and the constant pressure we put on ourselves to achieve more, to be more, have a severe effect on our mental health.
Your path may seem blurred and unclear now, but a little patience and the will to figure it out will help you navigate the challenging feeling of falling behind. The key is not to let yourself be pulled down by envy, insecurity, and self-doubt and be happy in your own skin while you keep moving forward.
It’s normal to have these feelings, especially when we are constantly aware of what people our age and even younger are achieving. But from my own experiences, conversations with others, and reading books and articles, I’ve learned some vital reminders that help put things into perspective when we’re feeling behind in life.
Recently, I was feeling low about everything. I was doubting whether I had chosen the right career path and all the other complaints I could think of. I was simply overthinking. So, my 10-year-old sister randomly asked me to play the song ‘Scars to Your Beautiful’. And it was perfect for what I needed to hear at that moment.
At that moment, I was motivated to deal with this feeling of being behind in life. I hope the ways that help me deal with this feeling are helpful to you, too.
6 WAYS TO DEAL WITH FEELING BEHIND IN LIFE
1. Ask yourself these questions
When you feel behind in life, it’s essential to understand exactly where these feelings are coming from. Here’s a way to break it down:
Where do you feel behind?
Is it in your career, health, relationships, or finances? Pinpointing the area can clarify your thoughts. For instance, you might feel behind in your career in your 30s because you expected to be in a senior role by now.
Why do you feel behind?
Often, feeling behind comes from comparing our life to an ideal version we had planned. Maybe you had goals set for your 20s, like buying a house or achieving a certain career level, and those haven’t happened yet. Or perhaps you see friends or colleagues achieving milestones, making you question your own pace.
When do you feel most behind?
Do these feelings pop up when you aren’t actively working toward your goals, or when you realize time is passing and you haven’t hit certain milestones? Is it a mistake you made that makes you feel like a failure? Recognizing when you feel most behind can help you address the root of your discontent.
Who are you, and what are your values?
This might seem like a simple question, but it’s powerful. Sometimes, we feel behind because we measure our lives against others’ achievements. For example, if one of your core values is creativity but you’re comparing yourself to someone whose main value is financial success, you might feel like you’re lagging behind, even if you’re flourishing in a creative career.
Therefore, understanding the specifics of why and when you feel behind, along with aligning these feelings with your true personal values, can help you navigate through these emotions more effectively. Remember, everyone’s journey is different, and staying true to what matters most to you is key.
2. Remind yourself how far you’ve come
Often, we overlook small achievements because they seem insignificant compared to the larger goals we set for ourselves. Instead of engaging with what you want your life to look like in the coming years, it’s a helpful exercise to look back and acknowledge how far you’ve come.
When you feel behind in life, engage in brainstorming sessions to list all the recent wins. Keeping a journal where you list all your wins of the day/week/month will help you acknowledge your actions.
As I work on my PhD, the journey often feels never-ending. I hear about another scholar who has just defended their thesis, published a groundbreaking paper, or completed the writing process, and I feel stuck and defeated.
But then I remind myself to break my research and writing process into small, manageable goals. It is only when I acknowledge all the little actions I take every day for my research work that I get a sense of satisfaction. Even though work has been progressing, it’s really important to keep reminding myself of the daily small wins. It helps keep track of my work.
Remember that not all growth can be seen immediately. Just like seeds sprouting under the soil, sometimes our efforts take time to manifest in noticeable ways. This doesn’t mean your efforts are wasted; it just means that growth is happening out of sight, preparing to break through when the time is right.
Also, progress isn’t the same every day. Sometimes, you will struggle to do the bare minimum, but picking yourself up the next day is always okay.
3. Remember that we are all on our own unique paths
Our paths are shaped by our unique experiences and ambitions, and comparing our milestones to someone else’s is like comparing apples and oranges. Always remember that your timeline is special and worthy of celebration.
Earlier, I would panic and drown in the fear of uncertainties, but I’ve trained myself to not fall into the trap of comparison.
In childhood, we move uniformly from grade to grade, but once we leave school, we embark on our own unique journey. The syllabus of life isn’t the same for everyone.
So, no matter where we are, we must keep going. It’s really important to remember that we are all on our own unique paths, especially when we feel like we’re falling behind. Remembering this helps us be kinder to ourselves and live a more fulfilling and authentic life.
So, trust me, you’re going to be just fine.
4. Unplug and slow down
Have you ever felt FOMO while scrolling through your feed, flooded with everyone’s latest adventures, meals, and milestones? It’s natural to think that others are zooming ahead while you’re stuck in place. But remember, that’s not the reality. There’s always a behind-the-scenes story to all those happy moments, hidden from the feeds.
And that’s life, you know. No one has it all figured out. That’s why it’s essential to unplug and relish the richness of the present moment. Cultivating a healthy relationship with social media, where you don’t let it overwhelm you, is crucial when you feel behind in life.
If social media has you feeling down about your progress, it might be time to step back and reassess your engagement with these platforms. Disconnecting occasionally is surprisingly liberating, especially when you feel like you’re not enough or falling behind in life.
Take breaks. Sing aloud. Go for walks. Play with your pets. Solve a sudoku puzzle. Reaching for your phone when you’re bored has become almost instinctual, but it’s up to you to take responsibility for your well-being and free yourself from constant comparisons.
Disconnecting helps you appreciate your own journey without constant comparison. It allows you to be present, enjoy the little things, and focus on what truly matters. So next time you feel that social media slump, remember to step back, breathe, and engage with the world around you. Your life is happening right now; don’t miss it!
Related: Ways to Slow down and Relax
5. Connect with your social support network
Connecting with your support network is incredibly valuable when feeling overwhelmed or stuck. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our own thoughts that it’s hard to see the bigger picture.
Talking to someone else can provide a new perspective on your situation. Whether it’s a mentor, a friend, or a family member, other people can offer insights you might not have considered. They might point out successes you’ve overlooked or offer advice on tackling challenges from a different angle.
Having a solid support network means you have people who can lift you up when you’re feeling down. They can encourage, share their experiences, and remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles.
Everyone is fighting their own battles silently, and sharing how we feel might also help them. Just knowing that someone cares can be incredibly comforting. For me, a chat with a close friend often brings a sense of relief and renewed energy.
6. Practise Positive Affirmations
Feeling behind in life can be a tough challenge to navigate. However, it’s important to constantly challenge those negative thoughts that bring you down and replace it with positive thoughts.
When you know yourself well, navigating your feelings and emotions is easier. Affirmations are helpful tools for shifting your mindset from feeling behind in life to trusting the timing of your own life.
Here are some affirmations that’ll help:
- I am not in a race but on my own unique path.
- Every step I take is progress, and I celebrate my own pace.
- I trust the timing of my life; everything happens when it’s meant to.
- I choose to focus on what I can control and let go of comparison.
- Growth is not linear; I honor all phases of my journey.
- I am committed to taking small steps each day toward my goals.
- Setbacks are just setups for comebacks. I believe in my resilience.
- I give myself permission to grow at my own pace.
I’d like to conclude with a quote by Oprah Winfrey from a speech she gave at Harvard.
“And when you’re down in the hole, when that moment comes, it’s really okay to feel bad for a little while. Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost but then here’s the key: learn from every mistake because every experience, encounter, and particularly your mistakes are there to teach you and force you into being more of who you are. And then figure out what is the next right move.”
Oprah Winfrey
Related Reads:
- How to Stop Overthinking
- Questions to Help You When You Feel Stuck
- Reminders for Handling Life’s Challenges
- Self-Love Goals to Help You Love Yourself Better
